Truth be told: I just don't know what I want

I started my IT/Digital Marketing business back in July, 2019 while I was working in the Infrastructure Analyst position with my current company. I currently have a good contract to complete the web design for a client with monthly residual earnings of around $1000/month. That extra earning should keep me motivated but it’s really not helping me get over my slack.

Since around the holidays in December, I have been feeling and experiencing a lot of slack. It’s almost as if I’m sick but not to the point where I have a cough, fever or anything. I just feel mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Since that time I have not been able to put much work into my client’s project.

Now I am seeking an alternate direction with that side hustle. I’m planning to shut it down completely, but that may not be the best option. I feel as if I need to re-evaluate my position and my reason for doing what I’m doing. Doing it simply for money is not a good motivator – otherwise, a job in the sex industry would be attractive with the high earning potentials.

I think I need a vacation more than anything. I need to get away so I can start my day all over again.

Have you experienced a similar slack in life?

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I don’t know. Sounds like your mental health is in bad shape based off your recent posts. What’s stopping you from taking a vacation? It looks like you’re chasing that money and forgetting about the all important, the essential - mental health. Misery would take over our lives.

I went to Cambodia seeing people happy with very little money. I thought to myself, damn wtf is wrong with me. Why do I always think about money? So, ya, guilty here. Maybe that’s why I feel miserable sometimes.

Planning a vacation after reading your post right now lol

TouCool, I don’t even know where to start for a vacation. Nobody will go on a vacation with me. And I’m not the type to travel alone. Many countries are off limits because of my criminal record. So I either have to vacation somewhere in Canada or maybe Cambodia. I’m not ready for either. Keeping up with my grind everyday. I felt better after my client paid me $900 last week. I’m motivated to finish his project.

I don’t have great life advice for you. Matter of fact the only thing people learned from is what not to do. If it makes you feel any better I’ve mostly been coasting through life because America is easy mode. Even if you decide to become a bum you can just join the others on skid row. Facts, I dropped out 9th grade. If anyone can find a LB Poly yearbook (1998) that was my last year in Cali before I caught a case and fucked up my life. All good though I just need to calm down. I can tell from your writing that you’re swimming in a sea of thoughts. Take it easy brother. I’m due to graduate from CSULB this June. Thinking of where I’m likely to find a job considering this fucking horrible turn of events. it looks like your boy is going to be hauling garbage or some shit to make ends meet after graduation.

Jobs are scarce right now, but certain industries are doing well. Amazon announced a week or so ago that they were looking to hire 100,000 people in the US centre to work at their fulfillment centers. The pandemic in the US has caused people to stay home, resulting in a boom for online stores. Walmart also said they were looking to hire thousands of extra staff.

Experts are saying the lockdown situation will last weeks if not months. Analyst are saying a recession is certain with some even warning of depression-era situation.

I’m not sure what your situation is like in your neck of the woods. I was talking to a customer from Cleveland and she says the entire city is on lockdown and their downtown is a ghost town. No cars or people at all downtown. I live in a small city and so far it’s not that bad. People still driving downtown, cars still parked there. It’s a stark contrast from the bigger cities where infections are confirmed.

nah bruh i went to fuckin university so i could avoid working at some place where some bich ass nigga think he can talk to me. Bro on some gangsta ass shit. i tried to kill someone at my last job. Rofl cuh he snitched on me and the next day soon as i walk into work fucking supervisor on the intercom call my ass into the fucking office. ol bich niga snitched on me cause we got into it.